I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Mad, sad, disappointed, worried. All of the above. I know I should never get my heart set on anything because it always falls apart. Why should this be any different?

Part of me wants to be petty and vindictive about the whole thing. Like, he should have pulled his head out and done what he knew he needed to do so we wouldn’t be in this situation. But isn’t this what I wanted? He’s out of the military.

So, why do I feel so sad about it? Like a book closing on our life. I’m certainly going to miss the sense of family I felt.

At this point it’s really not even about the insurance, although I am worried how I’m gonna get my medication. It’s the security being in the military represented to me. It’s something I haven’t had in a long time.

I’m scared.